10 lessons that I’ve learned in 2018
This year was an interesting one for me, but overall a good one. I felt that spiritually,, I grew up a bit, that I learned a little more.
Looking back, I would not have thought I would have reached this level and am proud of this.
I used to take things “they are this way and thatl’s it”, without thinking that I can change something in that situation or that I can change my perspective.
Let me give you an example. I met people I asked if they liked their job and they said, “No, but I’m used to it.” They do not like it, they’re frustrated about it, but they’re still there . Why? Fear, of course. That they will not find another better place, they are afraid to try, they do not want to get out of the comfort zone (to find another job you have to start thinking what you would like to do and start doing, you have to apply, to go to interviews, which also involves an extra effort.)
There is always room to evolve, to grow, it is our mission on this Earth. As in nature, plants grow, there are cycles, we are the nature, just because we live here, on this Planet, we have the same purpose.
I think the lessons I’ve learned helped me get closer to me, to get to know me better.
And although some were heavy and painful, I learned what I can tolerate, what are my values, how can I do better next time.
* These lessons are not in order of importance, but they are as they have come into my mind.
1. People are not always who they say they are or who they seem to be
This thing struck me frontly and unbalanced me for the moment.
I am a very open person, I help you as I can (sometimes without asking for my help) and I have (or rather I had) the impression that all people are good and they want to help you .
Wroooong. People were good when they were born, but then, because of their experiences, they forgot about the purity of their hearts and they changed.
Not everyone, of course. When they were injured, some decided to continue being good, others built a wall of isolation around themselves, others are defensive, or attacking other people. They have the impression that others want to hurt them, they want to steal something from them, so they develop all sorts of tricks to deceive, to lie.
Some, and most of them, are still hurt and act from that place without really care for you.
This year, more than in other years, I learned to protect myself.I remain open, loving, but protecting myself. I am not opening so easily in front of others.First I want to know who I am dealing with. To know the person in front of me better, to say what I think, but especially to listen to my intuition. Intuition never cheats on you. It’s your compass in life.
Sometimes when you meet someone, have a chat, and after you say goodbye, you feel lighter, cheerful and quiet, or more agitated, nervous? Well, it’s about how you interact with that person. Some can give you energy, others are taking energy from you.
Depending on this, what kind of people do you want to spend your time with?
2. Fill my cup first, then to others
As I write above, I used to help people at all costs. Even though I was not well, I would help you if you were not well. I was listening to you, advising you and continuing to do it even if I was exhausted. That person was better off after I was helping her, but I was exhusted. Because, by helping her, I was giving away my energy that I didn’t have.
After some situations, I realized I did not want to do this because I’m not well. And if I do not care about my life, who will?
Some people should help themselves, we’re all adults, aren’t we?
Help others when you really can. When you are well, when you are detached from his problems. We tend to empathize with the problems of others and consider their problems our problems as well. But again, as I have already written, each of us is an adult and has the power to help themselves. You do not have to save anyone.
3. Be nice, but don’t accept bullshit from anyone
That’s a great lesson in my life. I grew up being taught to be “a good girl, a nice girl” and over the years I accepted so much. Too much. Throughout the years I have learned to express myself, to say what I want, to say what I feel. I can not stop.
So the lessons, and in fact the need to say what I feel, met at a certain moment with the limitation of being the “good girl”. Opppps. The experiences that came out of my way this year have taught me this very thing: to put limits, to know me, to learn what I can tolerate and to express it.
“Did this bother me?” I say it. I can not keep her in my throat. That’s where I felt like sitting: in my throat. I was trying to take it down, to digest it, but no, the bubble os self-expression wanted to come out.
And on this occasion, I learned how healthy it is to express yourself, not to put yourself aside and accept all the shit.
And this expression may come out dully, calmly, with anger, crying. But it’s important to get out. Over time, it will balance. Stop getting over you, over what you want to express. Speak.
4.To ask for help when I need it
“I can do it all, I can”. o you can’t. You are human. Sometimes you need help and you need to ask from others, they cannot read your thoughts.
Ask for help starting from the deepest problems you have, traumas from childhood and here you can talk to a specialist or someone you trust (but just to get it out, not to solve your issues). or if you do not like your job- talk to a coach, guide you to something better. These are just a few examples.
One thing is certain: there are always solutions! Just like in math: Any problem has at least one solution. It’s important to go towards it.
And to be serious: you cannot do or know it all. It is natural, therefore, go to someone with more experience, with more expertise.
And with a little patience, trust that it will work out.
6. I don’t want to be in a bad mood more than needed
EVERYBODY in the world has bad moods! I know we are used to always posing “positive”, and on the internet you see all the smiles, so you have the impression that it only rains in your yard, while in others is sunnny.
Nothing more false. You can see a smiling face, but this person can suffer inside. You have no way to know, especially if you see only one picture and you do not know that person.
When I’m in a bad mood, it’s important for me to stay with myself, take care of myself, of my soul, as you do when you are sick. You’re sick now as well, only that your soul is hurt.
I look inside myself, see what this mood is, where it comes from, I write about it, I maybe talk to someone I trust.
After I’m tired of nesting, I see what I can do. I’m crying if that’s what I feel to, I hit a boxing bag.
Then: what did I learn from that situation (if anything happened), can I change something there? Can I accept? If not, I see what alternative I have.
And I realized it was not good tfor me o stay too much in a bad mood. After the nesting phase and seeing what to do, I go on with my life. I go out somewhere, I go for a walk, I have fun, spend time in nature.
You have no time to lose just in a bad mood. You wake up at the age of 60 and realize that you have spent the whole of your life like this. It’s not worth it. You only have one life. See what you can do GOOD out of it.
6. To travel more
That’s a good one. In my family, there are no travelers. In the last few years I have discovered that I like going to new places, know new cultures, see how other people live, how they spend their time, what they eat, etc.
Traveling relaxes my mind and opens my perspective on life.
At the beginning of September I traveled through Venice, Florence and their surroundings on my own. It was a unique experience, from which I learned a lot.
7. To love and accept my body as it is now
Social media bombs us with pictures of thin, fit, perfect girls without cellulite, with impeccable face.
It is fashionable to keep diets, to wear small measures, to classify food as good or bad, and if you eat it or not, you are a good or bad person, it is fashionable to be harsh with you, to punish yourself by going to the gym to consume the calories you ate, not to just move your body.
I grew up reading magazines and believing that I should look in a certain way.
This is freaking bullshit!
Perfection does not exist, and when it comes to your body, think it’s unique. It does not have to look like another body, because it’s not that body.
I have learned to treat it with more respect, consideration because it is the only house of my soul and it is important to take care of it.
8. To let go of the people, the situations that have affected me
I used to hang on to situations, people, to think about days, months on what happened, how those people hurt me. To cry, to wonder why or why me, until I realized that things happened, they were in the past, and some things happen and some people do not know how to do better.
Especially when it happened for me to give more and I was expecting the other person to do the same, instead some were scared, others were running away, or worse, they were taking me for granted and they wouldn’t care about me anymore
I felt wounded, abandoned, but here are deeper, older stories.
The fact is that I am excited to let go easier and I do not say that it is perfect now but at least I am aware of it.
From this teaching, the lesson of forgiveness was also part of it. To forgive that you have entered that situation, appreciate that you had something to learn from there, that the other person didn’t knew better, to say thank you for the lesson and move on.
Again, you realize that life is too precious to stay long in negative moods that poison your soul. Move on.
9. To be more gentle with myself
Maybe the most important lesson for me! This year, more than in other years, I have learned what is gentleness for me. To treat me as if I am a my best friend, to talk to me as I talk to friend, to speak to my body as I speak to a dear soul.
Most of the time we tend to be too harsh with ourselves, we do not realize that we think “I do not deserve this, I’m not good enough,” to criticize, to blame us. We are too tough with us! I do not think that the one we would consider our worst enemy would treat us as we treat ourselves! Do we really want that?
The answer is, of course, logically not. Pay attention to your thoughts, just as you speak, be aware from what space you are talking to yourself: from the space of criticism, punishment, or from self- love?
10. To ask
Anything. A free day, money, food, help, say what you need. Say: “Look, that’s what I want, that’s what I need. Can we talk about it? ”
Before I was not asking because of shame, I didn’t want to bother, orI didn’t thought I deserved it.
Sounds strange “to ask,” you are not a beggar. But here’s the lesson here: you have to pay attention to your needs and to express this. Have the courage to ask for a salary increase, a car, a home, and the last two not necessarily from someone, maybe even from you. Allow yourself. As you show your needs, you will see that you will have more confidence in yourself, because you consider it. And confidence will also come from the courage you have and prove it when you ask because you put yourself first and not others. When you’re ashamed, you put others first. “What he will say, will he reject me, will I be refused?” But at least try. And that counts. That you express yourself and let the other’s freedom say yes or no.
These are the lessons I learned in 2018. Certainly there are others, but these came to my mind for now. I felt I grew up, even though sometimes it was not easy for me. But things are not meant to be always easy, are they ?! That’s what life is like. good, evil, rain, sun, white, black.
What did you learn this year? I would love to read in the comments below. Hugs.
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